When I'm stressed out, I usually can't feel that I'm stressed out. Not until I can't catch my breath anymore on a daily basis or I start waking up with my blanket clutched to my chest in horror, most often to prevent whatever jeering audience is in my head from looking upon my nakedness. Lately, I've been having trouble breathing regularly and last night I woke up in a panic three times only to nurse myself back to sleep and wake up again, this time in a different but equally horrifying scenario.
Dream #1: Scott and I were only halfway packed for Lithuania when we realized that our plane departed in exactly two hours. We threw everything we could in a couple pre-used garbage bags and jetted out the door.
Dream #2: We must have been successful in making the flight because the next thing I knew we were being taken to a creepy, rundown shack with no plumbing or electricity in the middle of the Lithuanian woods where someone was to pick us up daily in a Landrover, take us to work at the university, and then take us home immediately afterwards.
Dream #3: After being unceremoniously punted from the Landrover, I found myself at the "university", which turned out to be conspicuously similar to my high school. Although I was in familiar terrain, I could not find the room in which I was supposed to teach. I wandered up and down the main hallway, back and forth, each time losing a crucial piece of clothing, and finally found myself in my "classroom", which was filled with students I knew a little too well as they had all done poorly in my classes before. Although already shouldering a heavy and bitter defeat, I looked down at my lesson plans, determined to give the task my best despite the consequences. Of course, these plans consisted of a few pieces of loose leaf covered only in sketches of various cartoon characters. Their only redemption was that they were at least large enough to cover the key parts of my body which I then realized was much larger than I had previously thought and, you guessed it, completely naked.
Scott's response to these dreams was that my subconscious obviously doesn't think much of my interpretive abilities.
I think at this point it's safe to say that I'm a little stressed out. My classes begin this Tuesday at 8:30 am. I'll let you all know how the first day goes. Until then, wish me luck!
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Thank you for the compliment on my photography...if it makes you feel any better, I felt a similar pang of admiration/jealousy as I read the stories on your blog. You are an insightful storyteller and you give an honest impression of your experience. Sometimes I get caught up in what I am "supposed" to be feeling instead of letting myself honestly react to & interact with the culture.
ReplyDeleteAs to your dreams: crazy! But you are not crazy. I have had a recurring nightmare: usually a version of waking up in the middle of the night and seeing a figure or object and thinking of something mysterious thing that I need to do, but I can only remember it at night and not the next morning. I think moving to a new culture is more stressful than we want to accept coming from a fast-paced, highly productive & efficient culture. Good luck on Tuesday :)
Chell, This is reminding me of the Chelle Belle of Hanover-Horton first days! It sounds like that "little general" is working overtime in your subconscious. You know in your heart that you are prepared. In a short time you will be laughing at how anxious you were that first week and glad that it is behind you! My prayers are with you always....Mom
ReplyDeleteI have complete faith in you Chubbs! Remember...this is the week Chubbs & Peanut take over the world...with or without clothes!
ReplyDeleteI awoke in an northern Ohio farmhouse once realizing that I had to be in Cleveland in 45 min. to catch a flight to San Juan. Cleveland was an hour away. I jumped into the shower with my traveling companion outside shouting "Pits and privates!" We made the flight but this bears a startling resemblence to several elements in your dreams.
ReplyDeleteNever had a dream set in my old highschool thought. The prospect in and of itself is unsettling.
Dear Chell,
ReplyDeleteDreams are dreams...it is a good thing to be awake and with a force of humanity forge ahead and make your cause known. Cause? Whatever you want to get across to all the diverse culture you will soon meet. Embrace, believe, breath deep, let it out slow[ do this 3x's] smile and then drop a book...a very large one...when you bend over ...assuming you will be naked....the class will be stunned speechless...you will feel liberated and then you begin your first lesson...you ask me " well, what is that?"...TOPIC FOR THE FIRST DAY...EMBRACE THE OUTER YOU....TADA...WELL DONE TEACHER....OFF TO TX.
with love, aunt k ps box in air...